A Near Death in Venice

For over a decade I have survived gloomy February by booking a flight to Venice. My internal clock is nagging me to go but such a trip is economically impossible this year.
I have always avoided the madness of Carnevale preferring to arrive the day after when rates go down and the city is hungover. Wet confetti lies in worn cobblestone cracks bleeding bright colors into the canals and one can have a Campo or even Piazza San Marco to oneself.
I was a carefree young fool when I first laid eyes on this surreal city, it was love at first sight despite our vast differences in age. I have since grown older, more worse for wear but she remains hauntingly beautiful.
I always try to dress and act with dignity when traveling, if you show a little respect you will be rewarded tenfold, better tables, invitations to private homes and occasionally, free drinks. This rule holds true for Venice more than any other major city as you will shine like a beacon amidst the fanny pack, sneaker wearing cruise ship crowd. I am not a snob, I am merely stating the facts.
While visiting Venice for the sixth time I had the misfortune to catch one of those airplane colds, I suffered with it for two days before seeking help from the local Farmacia, apparently codeine is an over the counter drug in Italy, at least it was then. The entire visit passed like a dream that I never wanted to wake from. Naturally one does not need drugs in Venice, her grandeur is intoxicating enough but I do recommend that you catch a cold at least once while visiting.
The last time I visited Harry's Bar it was filled with Americans all shouting into their cell phones to the folks back home, "Guess where I am. I'm at Harry's Bar and I am drinking a Bellini!" It was awful, they also shot daggers at our table because we were smoking, I have not been back since.
My first experience at Harry's was quite different, my companions were beautiful and handsome, everyone smoked, yes we enjoyed the ubiquitous Bellini but quickly moved on to Prosecco. The crowd was a congenial mix of travelers and a few actual Venetians, life was good.
I was wearing my new suit purchased in Florence the week before.
Sufficiently soused we planned to return to our respective hotels when we were approached by Venetians who convinced us the night was young. Venice is not known for it's nightlife but we were escorted to one of the three places I know of that stay open late.
We were treated to yet more bottles of Prosecco which is why my new suit and I needed fresh air. I excused myself from the table and exited a back door which opened on to a small dark canal.
I thought for a moment I may be sick so I leaned forward over the canal and braced myself with one hand to a gondola pole which promptly cracked in half sending me head first into the canal. I was completely underwater. It was pitch black. I imagined for a moment that this would be a wonderful way to die but I was not ready yet. Upon surfacing, the only sound I heard was of the splash still echoing off the walls that surrounded this murky dark canal. Treading water, I collected my thoughts and realized I would have to swim a yard to some slimy moss covered steps which I pulled myself up on to. No longer sick, in fact completely shocked into sobriety I contemplated my situation as I dripped. There was nothing to be done but return to my playmates who did not bat an eye concerning the state of my being.
We all met the next evening for dinner but my suit never hung quite right ever again.
Katherine Hepburn was required to fall into a canal while filming Summertime and suffered from a permanent eye infection for the rest of her life, she should have fallen in with 80 proof blood, she would have been fine.
There is nothing I can write about Venice that has not already been said far more eloquently than I ever could. This drawing is my valentine to a city I love. I hope you all get a chance to experience her glory, that is my valentine to you. X David